On Commonalities

One of the internal debates I've been having recently is how to make friends. The first big choice: Do I try and make friends with Norwegians, or is it okay to make friends with other ex-pats? I remember back in college that many of the exchange students always hung out together. At that time, I remember thinking how weird it was that, for example, all the Chinese students would only be hanging out with other Chinese students and quite often only speaking in mandarin.

In retrospect, I completely get it. When you come to a new country, anything that is familiar and a reminder of home is a comfort. And when you meet other foreigners, you already have something in common. You are both foreigners in this new place. And thats what brings me to the topic of commonalities.

I often hear that certain types of people attract certain types of people. If you love mountain biking, chances are your friends love mountain biking, or at least something similar like backpacking or rock climbing. It's logical to surround yourself with people that you enjoy being around, doing things with, and when you have a conversation, you are able to easily explore a topic you both enjoy.

Some friends of mine here in Norway recently spoke to me about this with respect to food. This couple loves to eat food thats local, organic, and that they preferably make at home. They talked about the fact that most of their friends share this same eating style, because whats the appeal in having dinner at a friends house if you never want to eat what they were serving?

My experience in Norway making friends has left me with several big choices. Choice one: Do I make friends with other expats? Making friends with other expats, as I explained before, is relatively easy. You are both foreigners and understand the process of being a foreigner. And, chances are, you are both looking for friends. Most Norwegians already have their friend circles, and it's really really hard to try and squeeze in. If I am able to make Norwegian friends though, I am much more likely to learn the local language and get a much better picture of Norwegian life and culture.

That brings me to my second choice. Do I just take the first friends I can find, or can I be "picky"? What I mean is, how hard should I try to find actual commonalities? Yes, maybe we are both expats, but does that automatically mean we should be friends?

In the words of C.S. Lewis:

"Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought no one but myself...""

Fingers crossed that day is coming.

Image via Grace & Guts

On Bicycles

Bike riding in Norway is a given. People were almost shocked it took me three days to get a bike, and whenever I show up somewhere without a bike people wonder how I arrived (I walked).

While there is still some subtleties about bike culture I'm teasing out (i.e. does everyone wear a helmet?), there have been some pretty important rules regarding bike riding that are vastly different than what I grew up with.

Shocker number one: It's okay to ride your bikes on the sidewalk. The only time in the US I've ever seen it be forgivable to ride your bike on the sidewalk is if you are 

      a) less than 10 and there is a lot of traffic or 

      b) accompanying multiple children less than 10.

There are some bike lanes here but, shocker number two, many bikes ride along with cars.

So then the real question is, what do you do at intersections, etc? The rule of thumb is if you are riding with pedestrians, you are supposed to act like a pedestrian (i.e. get off your bike and walk it across in the walk way). If you ride with cars, you are supposed to respect the rules of the road, such as stopping at red lights.

In practice, most people seem to do a blend of the two, switching a bit between road and sidewalk, and just biking across the walkway.

I have a lot of training to do before I will be able to comfortably bike with Norwegians (they put double digit kilometers behind them without breaking a sweat). It's a staple of living here though, so I've got to love my sykkelen.

Image via mottainaicycles

On Simple Kindness

This morning at work, a coworker that I barely knew gave me a hand blender and a cake pan. Just handed them over with a smile. She had heard me asking where to buy kitchen instruments, like a blender, over lunch the previous day.

It's little moments like these that leave you in awe. When you are in the process of reinventing your life in a new place, it's those small gestures, those little rays of kindness, that fill you up with joy. It's the moments that make you think that that this, whatever this is, is going to work out.

I've had a lot of those since moving to Norway, little gestures from the people around me that surprise me and make my day. It's the co-worker who waits for you to join him or her at lunch, the invitation to join a group for a hike, the moments where people invite you into their lives.

When moments like these happen, where you are bursting with your belief in humanity and 'kindred spirits', I believe that you should channel your happiness into other peoples lives, those who might not have been touched today.

If you need some inspiration, to get those "I believe in the world" juices flowing, this book has been helping me.

"... In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."

- Anne Frank

Image via Grace & Guts (I mean who doesn't love peonies?)

On Fall

This weekend was the fall equinox, and this morning I could feel the difference. There was a strong chill in there air, distinctly different from the cool but fresh mornings I had become acquainted to since arriving in Norway.

This September has been much nicer than is normal, with clear blue skies and warm sunny days. All of the locals and seasoned ex-pats have whispered warnings that at any moment, the nice weather was going to fall away to wet cold days.

Norwegians believe fiercely in their saying that "There is no bad weather, just bad clothing". While they don't seem to mind the rain, and all report loving the snow, the one exception to this rule seems to be the wind. This Sunday, which was still clear and sunny, was pretty windy.

The winds here, apparently, get a bit out of control. A Norwegian friend was telling me about a time last winter when, very pregnant, she was knocked off her feet in the street.

I've been waiting this this transition to happen any day. I know I've been way too lucky with all of this amazing weather (the happier side of global warming). I've been trying to tell myself the weather will be really terrible that that when it's not, I can always be pleasantly surprised.

Photo via Madewell

On Being a Pedestrian

I was shocked when I first came to an intersection in Norway and the cars all stopped. In the US, I'm used to waiting a couple minutes at a stop light, checking both directions and waiting for a gap to hurriedly walk across.

In Norway, the pedestrian culture is radically different. Pedestrians completely have the right of way. Cars, I swear, will scan pedestrians so that even before you near an intersection they are ready, breaks on. 

As a driver in the US, I've definitely been guilty of sliding through before the pedestrian makes it to my side of the street. That would be cause for outrage, and embarrassment, here in Norway. Cars will actually slam on their breaks for pedestrians.

The counter point is that pedestrians here are wonderful pedestrians. They do not jay walk. At all. If there is not a cross walk, Norwegians will walk to find one. If the light isn't in their favor, they will patiently wait. It becomes a social pressure sort of situation- I've definitely found myself at an intersection, wanting to dart across, but I'll notice several Norwegians, already patiently waiting. And, in my endless determination not to act like a foreigner, I too wait.

Image via Open Culture. 

On Dressing Like a Norwegian

One of the most peaceful aspects of living in Norway is that when you walk, no one bothers you. It's like being placed in a someone else's dream, where you get to move around as a spectator without anyone asking why you are there. Its immensely peaceful (but of course immensely lonely, depending on your perspective).

During these quiet walks I enjoy watching the people around me, especially the women. Their style can be boiled down to two words: Simple and effortless.

Norwegian women, and I dare say this is true of all Scandinavian women, wear barely any makeup, if any. Their clothing is typically a mixture of outdoorsy (mostly featuring black spandex) and classy.

Norwegian women typically wear three, maybe four colors: black, gray, off white, and sometimes navy (mostly in the form of jeans).

Yes, most of them are blonde (though not all natural, which some boys here find shocking, "women sometimes DYE their hair!") and blue eyed. I hear that this looks gets a bit tiring. I have yet to experience it.

I've seen girls walking around in rain coats and baggy gray t-shirts, and it's breathtaking. Why? For me it's just so natural. It could be a huge guise, there could be hours and hours of preparation (just rolled out of bed hairdo to the next level?). But for now, I find the lack of lipstick and curling irons refreshing.

Images via With Grace & Guts

On Packing Up Your Life

There are many tools you can use to prepare for a big move. I imagine people doing extensive research online, making detailed to do lists with items like 1. Forward mail to new address and 27. Find new vet for Colonel Snuggles. Proper moving preparation takes months of planning. I took a different approach.

I relied upon the tool of denial.

I was my personal zen life coach. I kept repeating calming phrases to myself whenever I thought of my impeding move. Phrases like People do this all the time, you've got this sport and You'll get there one way or another, no need to stress yourself over it. It was as if a second grade soccer coach was patting me softly on the amygdala, calming that little temperamental part of my brain.

And in some ways this was helpful. I never had a meltdown, surrounded by half packed boxes, unable to do anything other than lie in a fetal position, a puddle of hopelessness. But as a result I arrived in Norway, with my three bags, having left problems unsolved. I left my sanity intact, but as a result I did not completely understand the country I was moving to, what I would need for the life that I was starting.

So as a result I've started to compile small lessons I've learned along the way, on my life here. On Norway.

Photo by John Webley